By Henry Passenger
I’m almost on first-name terms with customer-care representatives around the country.
It was in early December that Margaret and I inadvertently duplicated Smithsonian gift subscriptions for Christmas.
There was one minor difference: she had three names on her list and Smithsonian had sent me an opportunity to renew four subscriptions.
(I still haven’t figured out why the institution opted to send me a gift subscription renewal, because my original subscription had been a gift. I wonder if everyone on our lists had the opportunity to renew duplicate subscriptions?)
And there was another not-so-minor difference: my gift subscriptions were billed at $19 each; she was charged $38 apiece.
At that time I called the toll-free number in Florida and talked to Melvania, who acknowledged the publication’s error, assuring me that all would soon be well – Margaret’s list would be canceled and mine would remain in place.
Then last week, my Visa bill had an $81.19 charge from Smithsonian for my four $19 subscriptions.
(We still hadn’t seen any sign of a refund for Margaret’s original $114 payment for her three subscriptions.)
I was ready to cancel both lists, return my Smithsonian membership card and settle back into a stress-free, magazineless life.
Of course, when I called Smithsonian last week, I couldn’t get through to Melvania so I had to start all over again with Amy, who quickly assured me that Margaret’s list had been canceled Dec. 7.
“What’s the procedure for a refund for Margaret?” I asked, trying to calculate how long it had been since Dec. 7 when the crisis first surfaced.
Amy assured me that her records showed it had all been taken care of, but she had no explanation for the missing refund. Maybe we were just getting too impatient. After all, it had been only 2 1/2 months. Maybe there had been a computer breakdown.
“I’ll put in a request to expedite it,” she told me. “Usually it takes four to six weeks, but since you’ve been waiting this long, I’ll try to speed things up.”
A minor victory – if the refund ever arrives.
From Margaret’s missing $114, we went on to my payment.
“How do four $19 subscriptions add up to more than $81?” I asked – politely.
“I don’t understand that,” Amy replied, as I could hear the mathematical wheels turning in her head. “I’ll get you a $5.19 credit.” I could hear her computer keyboard clicking in the background.
“Thank you,” I answered.
“In the meantime,” she added, “I’m extending your subscription a month to make up for inconveniencing you.”
Another minor victory. “Thank you,” I replied.
A moment of silence.
“Tell me,” I said, “why did you charge Margaret $38 and only $19 for mine? There’s a certain inequity there.”
“We have different promotions at different times,” she answered.
Only days apart?
“If you ever get different subscription offers,” she said, “just call us and we’ll honor the better one.”
I didn’t ask how long it would take to get the account straightened out in those circumstances.
Meanwhile, we’re still waiting for Margaret’s expedited refund and hoping that the gift recipients don’t view us as cheapskates for getting half-price subscriptions.
Happy reading.
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Quips ‘n’ Quotes: It was the 18th century English writer Samuel Johnson who said, “I have two cogent reasons for not printing any list of subscribers: one, that I have lost all the names; the other, that I have spent all the money.”
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Henry Passenger’s column appears each Wednesday in the Tuscola County Advertiser. He can be reached at hbp35@sbcglobal.net